Erään amerikkalaisen miehen ajatuksia rakkaudesta

Emme ole millään tavalla yltiöromanttinen pariskunta. Jos pitäisi istua hiljaa kynttilöin valaistun pöydän ääressä tuijottelemassa toisiamme silmiin, minua alkaisi naurattaa. Senpä vuoksi emme ole oikein koskaan piirrelleet sydämiä kalenteriin päivämäärän 14.2. kohdalle (täällä Valentine's Day, rakastavaisten päivä).

Tämä ei silti tarkoita sitä, etteikö toisista välittäminen näkyisi arjessa, ja Scotty onkin mestari saamaan minut hymyilemään pienillä suurilla teoilla. Saan usein kukkia, just because. Eräänä iltana karkasin kellariin juoksumattoilemaan, kun lapsen jälleen kerran tornadomaisesti levittelemät lelut ottivat aivoon. Totesin, että sotku odottaa minua aamullakin. Toisin kuitenkin kävi. Mies oli siivonnut sillä aikaa, kun minä reippailin. Ja niin edelleen.

Perjantai-iltana Scotty kysyi, miten riisipuuroa tehdään. Mies nousi lauantaiaamuna, eli Valentine's Dayna lapsen kanssa tekemään meille suomalaista aamiaista sillä aikaa, kun minä teeskentelin nukkuvani. Ennen kuin istuin (herkullisen!) puurolautasellisen eteen, puhelimeni piippasi sähköpostin merkiksi. Scotty sanoi, että hänellä on minulle lahja.

*****

For Valentine’s Day, I was thinking of the best way to tell my Wife that I love her. I tell her I love her all the time, so she knows it. I tell my friends (indirectly) that I love her, so they know it (and they are probably disgusted by it). I tell my family, so they know it. So who do I tell now… I know! How about her blogging audience! But how do I make it interesting enough that she will post it? And not make it so tacky she would be afraid to post it? I am going to try to pick a topic that she might find interesting to post, and use that as my vehicle to share my love for her with her audience.

My American Experience with the Word Love, and How It Has Merged with My Finnish-American Marriage

I grew up telling my family "I love you" every day, multiple times a day. I would tell my mother, and she would tell me. I would tell my father, and he would tell me. I would tell my siblings, and they would tell me the same. But that is where it stopped, with my family. I was a late entry into the dating circles, and by the time I started dating, I decided that since I had never told anyone outside my family that I loved them that I was going to make a big deal of it. The longer I waited to tell someone, the more stubborn I became about using the word. That is until I met this amazing girl from Finland. I really liked her, she liked me. And then one day it slipped. I told her I loved her. I knew it all along, but I had been holding out saying it. At the time I felt bad not making a big deal out of it, but now I know. It was so easy to say, and it slipped, because it was so true. I did love her. 

It was refreshing to learn that in Finnish culture the word for love is used infrequently. From what I am told, it’s because this word is special. It is intended to have significant meaning when used. In that sense I met the perfect person to fall in love with, someone who would understand the gravity of the word to me. After being married for so long, I probably over use the word now, but never will it lose its meaning to me. I am one of the lucky few that can say that the first girl I told "love you" to is the same one I say "love you" to every day. 

Back to the point, there are many different ways the word love is used in the American culture. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my wife. It is nice to know there are languages out there that apply different words for these loves. It is also awesome to know that my wife comes from a culture that is one. And that she knows that when I say “I love you!”, she hears "rakastan sinua", and that it means the same to both of us.

*****

On se ihan ihana, tuo Scotty.

Perinneperjantai: Anni's koristeltu jokin helteinen etu

Ihan alkuun pahoittelut radiohiljaisuudesta. Meidän KC:n suomalaisten itsenäisyyspäiväpirskeet olivat sen verran railakkaat, että puolet juhlijoista on ollut tällä viikolla aika tujun vatsataudin kourissa. Allekirjoittanut mukaan lukien.

Koska tänään on perjantai, on aika kaivella menneitä. Miamin-reissun jälkeen juhlin halloweeniä liian pitkän kaavan mukaan ja aloin kyllästyä kaksilahkeisiin ja heidän oikkuihinsa. Itsehän olin oikuton.

Aiemmin tapaamani Scotty kuitenkin vaikutti mutkattomalta (voi, miten väärässä lopulta olinkaan!) tyypiltä, ja Facebookissa vaihdettujen viestien jälkeen sovimme törmäävämme eräänä halloweenia edeltävänä iltana "sattumalta" toisiimme, jotta voisimme vaihtaa kokemuksia Floridasta. Mikä ihana tekosyy! Scotty oli etsinyt nippelitietoa Suomesta ja kertonut kavereilleen, että minulla on crazy eyes. Olin vähän ymmälläni, kun mies ei käynytkään päälle kuin yleinen syyttäjä, kuten monet muut amerikkalaispojat. En itse asiassa edes ollut varma, oliko Scotty kiinnostunut minusta.

Vasta alla olevassa merkinnässä kuvailemani kohtaamisen jälkeen kävi selväksi, että ihastus oli molemminpuoleista. Scotty oli ollut töissä puoleenyöhön asti ja halusi tehdä jotain hauskaa, lauantai-ilta kun oli. Meillä oli vielä kaverin synttäribileet menossa, joten miekkonen ilmestyi paikalle. Jonkun tytön kanssa. Tyttö kuitenkin teki katoamistempun aika pian, kun me taas pelasimme ja juttelimme aamuseitsemään.

Mistäkö sitten tiesin, että ihastus oli molemminpuoleista? Aamuauringon jo kajastaessa Scotty kysyi Soilelta "Would you mind if I molest your friend?". Niin romanttista. Menin Scottyn asunnolle yöksi aamuksi, koska ilmapatjalla vietettyjen kuukausien jälkeen oikea sänky kuulosti taivaalliselta. Herrasmies nukkui muuten sohvalla.

Siitä se sitten lähti.

Kaivelen perjantaisin vanhaan blogiini tallennettuja kaukosuhdemuistoja. Aiemmat osat löytyvät täältä.

Maanantai 6.11.2006 klo 16:32

Jouluksi kotiin

Kevääksi takaisin toiseen kotiin. Näin se on. Päätin perjantaina sitten lopullisesti, että vietän vielä keväänkin täällä. Joulukuussa tosin lennähdän Suomeen ja vietän joulun perheen kanssa. Kivaa! Nyt on ihan eri tavalla innoissaan joulusta. Suomessa olisin varmasti jo tyhjentänyt Tiimarin pakkaustarvikkeista ja kivoista koristeista. Ehkä olisin paketoinut jo muutaman paketinkin. I can't help it.

Perjantaina juhlittiin Tylerin varsinaisia synttäreitä. Tuli hieman kiirelähtö, kun meitä tultiin hakemaan oikein ovelta. Ahtauduttiin autoon ja ajettiin kaupungin laitamille bileisiin puolitutun luo. Hyvät bileet oli. Sieltä jatkettiin Dugoutiin ja Dugoutista mentiin siniseen taloon. (Jotenkin minusta tuntuu, että meidän viikonloput toistaa itseään... Oh well.) Käytiin vielä hakemassa spicy chickenit (ehkä on tehty niin joskus ennenkin) ja jotenkin tuli valvottua seitsemään asti aamulla. Se oli sentäs uutta.

Lauantaina piti nukkua päikkärit, että jaksoi illalla lähteä Tylerin synttäribileisiin (keg party!). Rantauduttiin Soilen kanssa siniseen taloon yhdeksän jälkeen illalla, pois lähdettiin seitsemältä aamulla. Välillä käytiin hakemassa kävellen spicy chickenit drive through'sta (kuulimme myöhemmin, että on lainvastaista myydä autottomille ihmisille ruokaa drive through -luukusta). Anyway, we were the last women standing. Seurana seisoskelemassa oli Scotty, joka opetti meille amerikkalaisia juomapelejä, mm. Quartersia (jonka vuoksi nostelin sohvaa, kun etsittiin lattialle lennelleitä 25-senttisiä). Tavoitteena oli tyhjentää toinen oluttynnyri, mutta tavoitteeksi jäi. Parempi niin. Saatiin tynnyri kuitenkin jo kellumaan jääpalojen ja veden seassa. We rule. Oli oikein mukava ilta, yö ja aamu. Saatiin taas paljon uusia tuttuja, ja edellisenä iltana tavatut tyypit olivat jo niin kaveria, niin kaveria. Amerikka on kiva paikka.

Eilinen meni tietokoneen äärellä, kun viihdytin (ainakin yritin) töissä ollutta Scottya Messengerin välityksellä. Viihdytystä kaivattiinkin, sillä herra lähti töihin 12 tunniksi neljän tunnin yöunien jälkeen. Juteltiin virtuaalisesti vaikka mistä, naurahtelin vähän väliä ääneen Scottyn jutuille, välillä myös punastuin. Ja sitten taas nauroin:

Scotty D. sanoo (15:25):
  anni's koristeltu jokin helteinen etu
Anni+e sanoo (15:25):
  lol, that makes no sense at all
Scotty D. sanoo (15:26):
  lol
Scotty D. sanoo (15:26):
  i didn't figure it would
Scotty D. sanoo (15:26):
  it was supposed to be
Scotty D. sanoo (15:26):
  anni's got some hot boots
Scotty D. sanoo (15:26):
  stupid translator

Mutta periksi ei annettu:

Scotty D. sanoo (15:50):
  do not leave me, i will be lonely
  ajaa ei erota we, i-kirjain jälkisäädös olla syrjäinen

Illalla, tai no yöllä, menin vielä katsomaan Scottyn luo South Parkeja. Oli pitkästä, pitkästä aikaa sellainen olo, ettei halunnut olla missään muualla. Se on aika kiva tunne.

Tiedän. Taas uusi mies.

S vastaa (vihdoinkin)

I am writing this in response to the questions and comments of my last post. I am very lucky to have the more traditional foreign experience than most exchange students, but it sometimes is hard because the people that surround me don’t have an outsider’s perspective on things, as would other exchange students. Also almost all my friends here are friends of my wife’s, which sometimes makes it feel like I haven’t paved my own road here. But again, this really isn’t a complaint as much as an observation. I still find myself in a very lucky situation.

About the Finnish language, I might have exaggerated a bit in the last post. I do know some words and phrases; I can get along well enough at a bar. But I am very far from being able to hold a conversation. I have been trying, but I do think my brain isn’t wired for language skills. For my foreign language requirement in high school I took Latin, because I knew the teacher wouldn’t require us to speak it (long story), so all we had to do was recognize and read basic Latin stuff. Anyways my point is that I really only understand English. I know some Spanish, from working in the US, but I would put my Spanish and Finnish at the same level. I know how bad that looks, but I never had any expectation of ever leaving the US. Even my English skills are below my math and science skills. You can compare that to Anni, who even graduated college with an English degree, speaks at least 3 languages fluently, and corrects my writing all the time. I know I am making excuses and I could learn Finnish if I dedicated myself to it, but I do think it would be more of a battle than it would be for people who already know more than one language, since the skills of learning a language are already there. Also, when kids come I know Anni will teach them Finnish, and that will probably help me more than anything. But it could also become a ‘Mom’ thing with the kids, which isn’t bad either. Imagine how cool it would be to actually have a secret language you could speak around your father. Anyways only time will tell on that front.

I have made a few of my own friendships while I have been here. But several of them were also foreigners who have left already. I am far from friendless here. I am just one of those people that when growing up always had a friend or 2 around. I am always happiest when surrounded by friends. I am also a very loyal friend, which has caused me problems when, for example, a friend got married in Kansas and I had to miss it. I also feel stressed at times, because I am going back to the friendships I had in the states, and I am leaving the ones I make here.

The weather here is different than what I am used to. The best way to explain it is to say that Kansas weather is just crazy. I have experienced cold in Kansas like the cold I have experienced here, but it Kansas it will only last one night or a few days, then it will be semi-warm again. The weather in Kansas is always fluctuating between extremes, here the changes are very calm and slow in comparison. For example, the snow here just slowly build up a few centimeters at a time, day after day, week after week. In Kansas we can get snowstorms that drop 25 cm of snow in a day, but the snow will usually melt within a week of the storm. Rarely does one snowstorm add to a previous one. I was talking to my parents last week and for the first time in recorded history, they are forecasting 10 consecutive days under freezing in January, and just last week it got down to –20 degrees Celsius. So the cold I have experienced before, but I have never experienced it day in and day out, over and over for months; or for it to be cloudy and dark for days on end. I am used to one dark snowy day, then a day with 10 hours of sunshine. Also the summers here are nice, but I prefer it much warmer. Where I come from the average high in July is 32 degrees, with a record high of 46 degrees. I prefer 28-29 degrees personally. The reason I would say I would like it warmer is because its hard for me to enjoy all the lakes fully if I am freezing. But it is nice to come out a sauna and for it to be a cool evening. Anni and I have discussed having a sauna in Kansas, but I doubt it will get much use on those hot July days. Going outside is probably going to be sauna enough for Anni. Also I miss the thunderstorms in Kansas. We get some excellent storms, which can scare those who are not used to them. Sometimes we have tornados, but I have personally never seen one, so they are semi-rare.

As far as outlandish attitudes, I haven’t experienced too much of that, although I have had to have several conversations about the wars in Iraq and in Afghanistan, which can sometimes get rather heated since they are usually done over one too many beers. I would say the attitudes I have had the most issues with are along the lines of “how could you have voted Bush as president” and comments about the US being war hungry. The thing that most people don’t realize is those questions and attitudes are also very popular where I come from. All-in-all I can’t think of anything a typical Finn would say that I couldn’t see an American saying.

Amerikkalaista arkea Suomessa

So my wife told me I needed to write about my experience in Finland thus far. Where to start...

Maybe I should start with the people, which is why I came to Finland to begin with, well one person to be exact. Anyways I came and started living with my girlfriend (at the time) and started school. I met a lot of other foreign students that first week of school. The only problem I had was that my situation was so different than theirs. It was hard to have typical “foreign exchange” experience when that wasn't the real reason I came here. I wasn't living in student housing, so I missed all those spur of the moment parties and such. But I did have a “family” here and all of my girlfriend's friends.

Well I probably should cover more meat and potatoes stuff if I ever want to finish writing this. Anyways I have met a lot of Finnish people, and I have been very impressed with them. I could never have imagined going to a place, not speaking the language, and still being accepted as well as I have here. That said it hasn't been easy with the language barrier.

Let me first explain that it was probably fairly stupid to move somewhere and having virtually no knowledge of the local language. I will also admit that having chosen that path I have no room to complain about language barrier situations, since its entirely my problem. I should have learned more Finnish by now, and I don't really have any excuse for that. When I look back 20 years from now I am sure that will be the one thing that haunts me about being here. That I never met my wife's family and friends halfway.

One thing I have learned about myself in this whole experience is how much I hate being completely dependent on other people. I don't mind asking for help, never have, never will. But only in situations where I could do it myself if need be. I depend on my wife for SO much these days that it eats at me. Depend probably isn't even the correct word, need would be better suited for my purpose.

To say I have missed my friends and family would be an understatement. My family and I talk every week on skype, so it doesn't bother me as much as my friends. I have always held my friends close, and they are extremely important to me. I really do believe that I have friends back home that are one of a kind. That burdens my heart most of all, and is what I look forward to most about going back home. Is having all my friends over for a barbeque, drinking and videogames.

Now for more positive stuff. One thing I have always enjoyed is playing games and drinking, you put those two together and you have a very American thing (at least from what I have been told), drinking games. Some of my best experiences here in Finland have been while teaching people to play beer pong, quarters and other games.

I have had some ups and downs while living here, and I have learned a lot about Finland and myself. If anyone had the option to have done what I have, I would highly recommend it.

I really didn't know what topics to cover here, or what specifics. To cover all my experiences or opinions on Finland would take hours and hours of writing, which isn't my forte. I prefer drawn out conversations over beer. So to make it easy for me, why don't you ask me questions and I will answer them.